So you say you “love candy”…Nah, not as much as this guy!

Alright, C August, that’s me
Timberland
What no Timberland?
How much?
Just C August.
Here we go.
I love candyy’all.
I love candy,
I love candy
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweet.
I like it all. So come on and let a brother eat.

‘Cause it’s the 15th, and yeah I just got paid.
I’m working hard for my money to fulfill what I crave.
Not girls or cars or power and respect
But to have all the candy one could possibly collect.
In my backyard,
In a fort that I built.
It has three candy aisles and a freezer full of milk
Turned ice cream.
You know, mixed with oreos and some butterfinger bebes.
Woo, that sounds great.
Give me two, give me three, matter’fact give me four-
Gallons of the mess that make my belly hit the floor.
I’ll eat it. (rawr) until my teeth rot.
Just to see the center of that tootsie roll pop.

I love candy,
I love candy
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweets.
There’s nothing like some candy to make a brother want to eat.
I love candy,
I love candy
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweet.
There’s nothing like some candy to make a brother want to eat.

I murder trans fats yet I have sans belly.
I spread jelly on my deli disappears like macavelli.
Bam! It’s gone and it’s just not funny.
I ate so much, I got a cramp in my tummy.
‘Cause I went swimmin’.
Nothin’ like a summer snack.
I’ll eat it under water just like a shark attack.
Or while I’m sunbathing.
Come on, I need a hand.
Okay I’ll come back from my fantasy land.
Back here to my house in candy land,
Where I’m the prince, the queen, and, you know, the king.
And I kick it with the sweet-tart necklace bling.
And top it off with a big ole ring.
Pop it in your mouth till the flavor dies.
When it all runs out,
You’ll see a grown man cry.
I used to beg,
But now I eat.
You know, I make my money just to buy my treats.

I love candy,
I love candy.
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy.
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweet.
There’s nothing like some candy to make a brother want to eat.
I love candy,
I love candy.
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy.
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweet.
There’s nothing like some candy to make a brother want to eat.

I finish my sandwich so I can have my pudding.
I swallow whole Reese cups, you ask “How could he?”
I tunnel the funnel cakes down the right pipe.
How could I be wrong if it tastes so right?
If you didn’t know, let me bring you the news:
I’m a skinny dude with a love for food.
If you don’t understand, this should give you a clue:
Chris is to kit-kats like women are to shoes.
“A smart healthy snack, ” what does that even mean?
Your diet is whack, mine’s like a real-life dream,
With a six-foot twix playing tag in the park.
And a sugar-daddy yellin’, “Son, be home before dark!”

So unwrap this rap, unsnap the snap.
I gotta make room for my two-o’clock snack!
Lions, tigers, gummy bears. Oh my!
My life is complete.
I’m so happy I could die.

I love candy,
I love candy.
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy.
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweet.
There’s nothing like some candy to make a brother want to eat.
I love candy,
I love candy.
The taste, the taste
It makes me feel so grandy.
The tart, the bitter, the sour and sweet.
There’s nothing like some candy to make a brother want to eat.

Reese’s cups. Sour-patch kids. Aww, yeah. Haribo gummy bears, anybody?
You know, that kind in the gold package. Name-brand, baby.
None of that cheap stuff. Only the best. Where’s my buncha crunch? Yeah…

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Posted on February 18, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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